Whole 30 Challenge: Days 23-24 (Falling off the Wagon)

Sigh. Big sigh.

When I last checked in it was Day 22 of a 30 days challenge to cut out the crap and eat whole, clean foods. On Day 23, Andrew went off to the mecca of food (Costco) with a complicated shopping list that included foods that would work for me and a gaggle of hungry, non-paleo Irish folks.

Meanwhile at home I roasted sweet potatoes, packed up tin foil parcels of chopped onions, carrots and zucchini to roast on the fire. I made sure there were plenty of cans of La Croix to sip, and felt pretty good about the upcoming endeavor.

On Day 24, four of us piled into a car and headed for the mountains. We stopped at Carl's Jr along the way, and I ordered a grilled chicken salad, sans dressing. As I picked my way around the cheese that had been sprinkled on top, I considered the burgers the guys in my crew were eating. They looked good, but not THAT good. It was challenging, but not insurmountable. Back into the car we went.

That evening, we unpacked and pitched our tents. As dinner time, Andrew threw hot dogs on the grill. I ate two, without buns or condiments and considered something that had never occurred to me before: hot dogs are not very good. When you strip away the accessories that make them a treat, you're left with a very low quality piece of meat. I was looking forward to the next night's dinner- tri tip!

After dinner, we sat around the campfire. A few of us were drinking water, and a few were having beer. I felt no pressure from the others to have a drink or a s'more, so I decided not to have one... and then I reconsidered... and decided to abstain again... and reconsidered...

Then everyone noticed that I was behaving strangely-- while they were laughing and chatting, I was staring into the fire, not engaging in the conversation all. I was so wrapped up in my internal dialog. Should I have dessert? Should I have a glass of wine? I wanted both! And I was struck by the fact that making a decision NOT to have either seemed to have no finality in my mind. I would decide NOT to roast a marshmallow at this particular moment, only have to decide again the NEXT moment to not do it.

Finally, the desire to turn off the internal dialog made the decision for me. I poured myself a glass of wine. I roasted a marshmallow. The guys around the campfire laughed at the change in my demeanor. The bad decision had been made, and my mental energy could focus elsewhere. I started chatting, and had a very nice evening!